Judas bleeds

it’s Night, dark, and i'm running, from them, from it. Fast, that the air burns my nostrils as i inhale. But i’m not stopping, i can’t. The silver coins jingle and chime as my legs carry me to nowhere. Why did i do what i did……… The darkness around me, doesn’t seem to scare me, rather it hides the eyes that bore my soul. Searing pain’s shooting through my legs and my lungs burn for want, but i can’t stop, i can’t.
Arghh…. The bloody tree root, i’ve fallen hard, and i don’t want to get up. My face’s on the ground, the dust being blown away, and enters my mouth. My resin-like saliva mingles with the dust, but i lay there, feeling my heart beat against me, like a caged animal. My legs shiver with faint, but i don’t feel any of these. i see His eyes, with pain and anguish, yet abandoning Himself as i came near Him.
i break the thought as i get up to run away from me, only to fall again, harder this time, since i can no longer feel myself. Do i feel remorse at what i have done? No; No, i don’t think i do. i’m rich, my silver coins, they will keep me safe. i can buy land and grow food, and become richer. He did preach, maybe He was different from the rest, but will that satisfy when my hunger beckons? i don’t know, maybe… Why did He have to be against them? All of us could have done things together. it’s His fault…… is……it…?
The coins jingle with every move i make, reminding me, i did it….. why did i do it? He loved me, just like any of them. Did i think that he didn’t? why?
The coins splatter around me as i turn on my back, my clothes clinging to me, as i do. i cough, choke with my dust-laden saliva, and His cry pierces my ears, and i try to scream, but nothing happens. i try to cry, but no tears come. i crumble into myself, listening to His cries, as they whip Him, tearing his skin.
i cant close my eyes, for i see His pained eyes, as i kissed His cheek, showing them who my Master was. i hear his desolation as He spoke; did he know i was going to do my heinous act?
i hear the sun rise, its rays screams into my eyes, showing me what i have done, my act, He died because of me….
Forgive me Master.